There is so much that I want to do but can’t. I feel very restricted, like I’m doomed to this sort of life. That I’m forced to eventually succumb to this life. The same life my parents and family lived. Nothing out of the ordinary, just a life to take care of my family. I’m sounding very selfish but I really do think there is so much more to life than just making ends meet. If I could I would leave this place, travel, party, do things and not worry about the next day. Not having to worry that the person I love will judge me, that they will hate me for being myself.
There are days where I feel tremendous and there are days that I feel so tiny, so meaningless. I was needed and then I wasn’t needed. This life is unfulfilling. My life is not hard, I don’t feel less privileged and I am blessed with friends, family, education, and life itself. But what am I doing to make this life a legacy. I’m just living it to get by, from step to step. I feel like I’m taking steps in an endless staircase and I don’t even know whats at the top, or if I’ll even like it there. I guess it’s different when you have a goal. I don’t really have a goal I just want to live life comfortably. I keep telling myself that I’m working this hard to make money so that I can see the rest of the world since no one else is gonna help me out. It’s understandable because it’s something I want and nobody else’s. I just think there is a whole other universe out there, and before I know it I’m gonna be thirty something with kids and bills. What have I done then.