omg! reading ol…

Imageomg! reading old myspace messages can really take you back. its nuts that a part of my adolescent life is recorded on the internet. back then it was a big deal and now its an everyday thing. gah i feel old even though i’m really not. 

anyway i’ve been speculating my relationships and i’ve concluded that i’ve had three major intimate relationships ever since i was able to maintain one. they’re all so different! but i can definitely say that my first one was purely sexual because we immediately hated each other right when we cashed in our v-cards to each other (lololol). it was like that was the end of the peak of our relationship and we didnt know what else to do except be with each other since it was a while anyway. but we had nothing in common, we just knew we liked touching each other (holding hands, hugging, cuddling) but couldnt talk about anything without getting upset at each other. that was an interesting relationship. once i was out of it i was so relieved lol. 

my first relationship failed because we werent friends to begin with, we started dating a week after we myspaced and then we just zoomed up the virginity ladder lol. i really thought i could never get over him! haha. but its weird transitioning from a physical relationship to a completely intimate relationship. it was spectacular and amazing and it happened during the most convenient time. when you’re young enough to enjoy summer and not worry about the future just yet. just taking in the last moments of high school life, your parents letting you be young. i had a cute little job at some nearby restaurant where i would work about 4-5 hours a few days a week then i was able to drive my dusty corolla anywhere i pleased, though i mostly just posted up at one persons house. my second relationship happened at a very vulnerable time. it was something different and i was enthralled by every second that went by. i enjoyed the excitement, not knowing what was next, though i knew this would hurt me in the end. i couldnt even imagine an ending. i just kept building fantastic happy endings in my head, and sometimes i still do. it was a part of me that was pure and good. i knew what i wanted and i really felt that nothing could change sometime that was so good to me. im still embarrassed that i let my college influences turn this relationship into something different. its strong, but the youthful hope that used to fuel this relationship is less apparent. i still think about it just because it was a huge part of my life. nobody really respected it and its been at lower points before but i didnt really need any ones support as long as i was loved. i was lucky to have had that, and i dont think ill ever have anything like that again since it happened during those times and i’m a very different person now. people deserve to be in a relationship like that at least once in their lives, something innocent but amazing. 

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