this blog is turning into a really sad blog. its not healthy to feel sorry for yourself, and my life isn’t as pathetic as it seems. this past week i tried starving myself (about two measly snacks a day!) but i ended up being really delirious in the end, so no i dont think being 90s skinny is gonna make me feel better lol. no i dont have an eating disorder, i dont cut myself, or sleep around to feel better….im just a little angry person on the internetz. i realized how small minded and hypocritical i look on this blog so i think im gonna cool it for a bit til i start feeling better about myself. its funny how complaining about your woes and focusing on other people’s happiness adds up to be a super big negative. i dont think i noticed that about myself because im surrounded by a lot of people who are also unhappy with what they have. i do notice how my mood lightens up when i talk to genuine people. i think i forgot the person i used to be and now im this insecure cunt. this is gonna be the repetitious thing you’ll ever see on the internet but i need to declutter my life!
i think its so wrong for someone to believe that their perspective is superior to another persons. its easy to think this way because you easily feel better about everything. its like emotional eating. you eat all this junk for the taste. escapism has become something addictive to me. ive become so insecure these past few months that i actually need to rely on somebody else to make me feel better. how sad. im pretty much super over this this part of my life. i should be a lot happier than i am now. it doesnt make sense. ive tried doing something like this multiple times in my life but it should be different this time around since i have less distractions.
anyway aside from a few minor self revelations, i’m excited for this upcoming photo collaboration that i’m working on with a close friend. i had issues with developing my concept for my hyperreality project and i was kindof upset that i ended up being the subject of the project ( but ive decided the entire premise of levitation is based on the unbearable lightness of being. there are two aspects to this concept; the lightness of lift versus the heaviness. gravity, in this case represents the decisions we make, the consequences we fear, the idea of the “eternal return”. in contrast, there is also the lightness of life, that which represents that there is no burden to life, we are free to live moment to moment. when we seek to attach meaning in life, this creates weight. the gravity demonstrated in my portraits is a metaphor for the reality. the power to levitate is the mental ability to rise above any sort of baggage that life creates for us.