i feel like such a sucka about life. i wanna do all these selfish things but i know i’d be out of line for it. what am i supposed to do about this situation… a part of me feels like i need some time to think clearly and another part wants to just take everything…some kind of procedure that i’m not even sure is execute-able lol. my expectations got me all fucked up, i dont have enough discipline to ignore these negative thoughts. i feel like everything has finally come full circle and im still playing myself.. i used to be so much worse so i would do impulsive things thinking i was on the come up, but then i got nowhere… god i hate this sit and wait game.
there are some bad days but my days have been good overall. my minds a little clearer among other things, i just wish i was making the same amount of money that i used to have! then i could do whatever i wanted; fly places, blow munnies on hunnies, open up tabs at bars so that i can yak outside, get a bikini wax every month, get a haircut every month, pay for friends gas, eat sushi every tuesdays and thursdays, shop at trader joes and world market without giving a single FUCK. yeah shit like that. like that shit…..