this is what irregular bc is like:
I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE US I HATE EVERYTHING
TERRIBLE THINGS TO SAY TERRIBLE FEELINGS
(then im super numb and empty inside)
then i feel regret and embarrassment
then im back to being balanced.. or thinking i am
this is my last month of taking birth control. i really cant stand the emotional baggage. and i dont have sex anyway so i feel like im murdering my reproductive system over nothing. i feel very neglected, very defeated. it is emotionally draining putting all your energy into one intense feeling.
this feels very weird to say, but sometimes i get so emotionally unbalanced that i almost forget everything going on: where i am, who i am, whats going on. ill be crying hysterically then i just stop and stare into nothing and then im completely numb. i feel so enthralled to hurt someone, to channel this negative energy. like i feel like something negative is consumed into me and i have to get rid of it somehow. i havent felt something so terrible in so long.. i cant explain this feeling. it feels horrible, like theres a monster inside of you and nobody knows. it makes you feel very lonely and unheard.