Imageif you could stick with one memory for the rest of your life which would it be? me being the most indecisive person in the world will probably never answer that question full heartedly. what would it take for me to be a more definite person? im always losing myself in something (or someone) apparently. ive been feeling super translucent these days. any source of warmth i find myself latching on. but its something im currently trying to work on even though its super hard since im basically ignoring any sort of feelings cuz i dont trust them. ive never been without someone but something tells me i need to start now. perhaps im like this because my parents are; theyve been dating since they were 19 and still act like high schoolers. which is cool but i guess its not for everyone. anyway ive been feeling super discouraged about the people i associate myself with. i cant tell if im blaming them for my dependability or that im just a lame person altogether. i suppose it’d be fun meeting new people, i just wish i had a cooler crowd to roll with haha. and my games super off, then again my “game” was just storytelling, basically lying, which means i suck at lying. but previously, my mentality when going out was usually to play games and poke fun at people instead of actually wanting to meet people. i feel like that lame guy from forgetting sarah marshall walking around the bar with puppy dog eyes. okay, i suppose it isnt that sad of a case, but i feel as though my social ability has been super thrown off. another reason is my cynical thinking. i sort of have this paranoia that everyone is a bullshitter when you’re at a social event.. but then again i tend to turn into a pathological liar (id like to think of it as an improv actor) when im drunk. i dunno iz be trippppppin. and its just only me. 

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