im trying this new tactic where im trying to sift out cool people through my weirdness. im 40% sure its getting me nowhere and that i just look like a buffoon on the interwebs.
im just gonna blog stuff that comes to mind because i have no desire for organization.
well last week i went on a date in fancy ass palo alto. it was a good date. not great, but good. the conversation was nice, seemed sorta phony. like the guy probably listens to too many drake songs or something. talking like “gurl im so ambitious. gurl you so bad. gurl gurl guuurl.” dont get me wrong he was a really nice respectable dude. and he took me out to this suuuuuuuper good greek restaurant. the food was impressive. the waiter even told me (while dude was in the bathroom) that the restaurant was too expensive for a first date. he was a funny guy. i would look like a scumbag if i said that i enjoyed his conversation more than the guy i was with. but okaaay, the guy was a nice guy. he came up a bit strong. always bugging about every guy that i talked to that night. shit like “ooh he was tryna get at you. oooh you know you hella bad.” SHUT THE FUCK UP AND TALK TO ME ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE. in one ear, out the other.
i think my melting point was when we went to some outside bar with his friends. while all the dudes went to the little boys room, i sat outside chillin buzzed off 3 shots and 2 white russians. im not a bitch unless i have very good reasoning, ill talk to anyone if they mean well. two asian guys go up to me, i suspect one of them is trying to be wingman for the other guy. i dont buy into it, i just provide casual conversation with no hints for free drinks or anything of that sort. somehow i get to talking about how my best friend just had her baby shower, whyyyy does dude come up behind me, put his hand on my stomach and tell both guys that im HAVING his baby? da fuuq? if i liked him i wouldve gladly played along. sadly i didnt. and his improv was the horrible not funny kind. needless to say i ended up looking like a drunk preggo bimbo at the bar. he said “he was trying to save me”. man that rubbed me so wrong. i was pretty done after that. he smoked me out after the bar and tried making out with me but thankfully my drunk/high self declined and turned on the tv. yep i suck. but im sorry the guy wasnt my cup of teaaaa. i still snapchat him, currently trying to scare him away with my internet weirdness but sadly hes just trying to match up.
anyway im tired of that story. it was just bugging me.
another subject: i realized how much at peace i am with myself. i forgot how long i lived with something hanging over my head. some inner battle. and within one month, it all disappeared. like a lifted curse. i never realized how sad i used to be. how many demons i was battling on a daily basis. somewhat convinced i was depressed, but probably not. just very sad. and now, im just at equilibrium. very funny that i started college in a relationship and now im ending college single. very symbolic of a closed chapter! longest most prolific chapter. wonder how these next 5 years will be. who i’ll meet. how i’ll end up.
its very weird but when i first graduated high school, i met this crazy girl and became sort of obsessed with her. she was so weird but intriguing. she had a bangin bod and was so chill about the way she dressed. i was sooo fascinated by her. by the fact that she didnt make any sense to me, but she was so cool. she was sorta hood too. anyway just thinking about that because back then i was so different and didnt know how to act. now i think im kinda weird. i hope i meet someone like her at dinah………damn she was a hottie
so im super excited for these next two weeks! a part of me is scared that i’ll die and another is just ready for this super action packed vacay. its gonna be wild forsure, and my mind is totally at peace with what evers to come.