my gut keeps telling me to let things be. though i would prefer to ignore it..something tells me that i would be better off just playing it safe rather than putting myself out there. im just not in the mood to be rejected or just play myself. i think about the good things that have been happening and it makes me so happy but ive learned that things are never really set in stone, especially to my doing. a part of me feels like i kind of know whats going on without asking, which is something a crazy girlfriend would say lol but i assure any reader that i do have valid reasoning! maybe this could be like one of those long prolific romantic comedies where things really do end up playing out the way they ought to. and all the sad things that happened end up being funny… man i feel like ive been on a really long ride. this semester has been so different from the rest. its crazy how settled your mind gets when youre in a relationship..this year started out with much discomfort but naturally everything plays out by spring time.
for the past three years or so i had reoccurring dreams about me fearing some sort of fall to my death. usually it would play out and some dreadful thing would happen resulting in my fall. an elevator broke. my car ran off a cliff. fell out of a hotel building. and others i would spend the entire dream just waiting to fall. last night i actually dreamed that i actually took the initiative and jumped. i didnt die like in my other dreams. it was like i had on an invisible parachute. it was an nice variation to this concept.
so i guess ill continue to just float on. i have so many reasons to smile. so many things to conquer! and yes..so many responsibilities to take care of! i wish these responsibilities would just disappear! like if i could have just been born into wealth so that i can travel the world and party and dig my feet into my trust fund that would be great. but im glad im having fun while on the way. i need to really work on my resume. i think i can i think i can! my mind just suddenly accelerated 100mph. thinking about this past weekend, the person im becoming, my best friend whos having her baby right now, the person ill always be in love with, my graduation, the possibility of moving out of san jose, my plans for tonight, who ill meet later today..tonight..this weekend.., when will my attitude change? hope it doesnt plunder down into a burning heap of regret!
—-morbid ending ends here—-