when you’re young, it’s so much easier to assume that time will eventually balance all of your woes out. im not that much older.. but it has been years.. but there are some people that i do still think about. wonder how things would have been if they were done differently…or if timing was right.
every so often when i go back home, there’s something at the back of my mind that sorta hopes fate will bring me back to..you? there were numerous times we’ve ran into each other, i felt sorta the same; anxious, excited, curious. but the timing was wrong and my conscience would guilt trip me. ill admit i’ve made mistakes in the past and i honestly feel like that sorta messed me up, so now i’m too paranoid to make any moves..on anyone. i used to be so….destructive lol. but not in an evil way, in a careless way. i would just act on impulse. and after putting myself and unfortunately my s/o in compromising situations i’ve learned to NOT trust myself when i’m in the moment. im scared now! the tables have definitely turned, karma karma karma. i’m not mad, i was pretty careless back then and its good to know that i’m sort of humbling myself. i mean, it fucking sucks. i feel like a grandma. ha. but the hopeless romantic in me would like to believe that the right person will eventually come along (d’aaww). but haven’t i been talking about this for months?! oh gaw….
anyway, its fascinating that after all these years, i find myself still wondering how certain people of my past are doing. unresolved feelings that i sort of put behind me. but i cant help but wonder what would happen… if the universe worked in our favor? i sound nuts yeah. like a bad 90s rom com. a less glamorous version of when harry met sally. but this year is the first time in …….years! where i can be super honest with myself, because i am..by myself. haha! it’s not as lonely as it sounds. ive been in uppity spirits the past few days, feeling more like myself and less paranoid about what everyone thinks of me.
im not wrecking my brain over this, its just a little curiosity is all. something interesting is bound to happen and i cant force anything. plus it feels much better when things unexpectedly work out. i dig this optimistic perspective.