TL/DR: my life is a rom com. without the comic relief

IMG_7938why is it that i feel like i’m living a really bad 90s rom com movie? as much as id like to believe that rom com are purely fictional gratuitous representations of real life, why is it that i feel like im living a really bad realistic version of “he’s just not that into you”? why is it that we disregard the people who actually try and fall for the people who could care less.? when we watch these sorts of movies, it’s clear to the audience that the heroine of the movie, often blinded by superficial insignificant factors, will eventually end up with “the right guy”, the guy that was juuust under her nose. her friend. well shit. my friend just isn’t my cup of tea. of course we all can’t get what we want, but why would we settle for somebody we have lukewarm feelings for? hot and cold. maaaybe ill make out with you. wait, i was drunk when that thought ran through my brain. im sober now.. and you’re still okay to me.

i sound like such a bitch. but can you give me an A for effort for trying put things in perspective… for about a month. of course “trying” could also translate to “leading you on”. my friends like you. my grandparents would super approve. i think you could take care of me. and yet i dont like you. more reasons to hate me. i feel like scarlett jo’s character in he’s just not that into you. i dig bradley cooper’s sleazy ass, but i suppose this nice guy is better for me? ohhhh why do i gravitate towards the pricks. naturally we would assume that the whole “hard to get” shpeel(sp) is intriguing versus someone handing their feelings to us on a silver platter. but i’d like to think that i’m not just some shallow girl with superficial feelings. yeah you’re not “my cup of tea”. but your conversation level is at a cool 6 or 7. i want my brain to explode with excitement when i talk to you.

everything is just so lukewarm to me. i felt some excitement a few weeks ago only to get shot down after one nightcap. of course 1/5 people will reject my efforts. why does it play out this way. just give me your feelings! so that i can stop trying to imagine a relationship with this friend. friend. ahh the friend zone. a dangerous zone. i hate being the person to do it, i just want us all to be happy! which is a prime reason why i am the worst person with communication.

can i just say that the amount of awkward sex that i’ve received this year is irrationally high? okay it’s not that high. two people? im paranoid. wont say names. but god that was weird. i guess we all have to go through that eventually. it was like a scene out of lena dunham’s girls. sidenote: adam was pretty attractive in the season finale, i would probably beat. or he would beat me.. but i dunno maybe i’d be into that. would probably need a safety word. anyway. i moves on.

so when somebody disregards your efforts, automatically you reevaluate yourself as a person. wow youre cool, why don’t you think i’m cool too? did i misinterpret our conversation as something great? i genuinely laughed at all your jokes, and you pretty much complimented me the entire night? my friends are getting tired of me whining about this situation. good dick will imprison a woman.. meh.

the reason i fight against these lukewarm feelings is because i have been in a relationship where we were both crazy about each other. it was very organic and real. i didn’t find myself trying to find the amazing in a person, it shined through perfectly and i generously basked in it with delight. but why is it taking me so long to find this? im tired of dating around. its been 10 months. the longest i’ve ever been single. im getting puppy feels. as in, i really want a dog to keep me at home and company. i cant tell if this want is some reaction from loneliness. ive been looking into adoption centers and i’ve researched a vast amount of dogs. it weirds me out how i can actually name a species and their characteristics. i’ve been researching cats too. bengals are beautiful but too smart for a noob owner like myself.

oh god. its happening. the rom com lifestyle. i’m actually researching pets to get rid of my loneliness. where is the comic relief. oh nvm, thats just my life in general. comic relief. bah.

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