it’s been a while. let’s start with a cliche global statement and say that so much has changed in the past couple months. my last blog was literally me ending the chapter to something that had started almost a year ago. i figured i would be in a better place. i’m definitely in a different place. life is a bit harder, but the experiences have been pivotal to say the least. in terms of my career, i feel as though i’ve definitely lost sight of what i wanted to become. i remember trying so hard to transition into this hybrid sort of designer. but a part of me feels as though its not really something i want to become. i want to participate in something that genuinely makes me happy. not another thing to learn. another obstacle to get over until i become the designer i supposedly want to be. my vision feels hazy. im falling into this sort of routine, living a life that i can barely accommodate with my new expenses. ive gotten saltier these past couple weeks as i feel as though everything is starting to catch up with me. it’s like a dark cloud is sitting above my head. i know my potential. the people i live with feed my creativity but i have trouble finding the strength to follow through with it. my brain is dying i feel like. its been dumbed down by the internet and extracurricular activities i have prioritized for first. i dont even call my best friend anymore. i feel like im falling deeper and deeper into this hole of obscurity. my brain is exhausted. my job is sucking the soul out of me. i almost felt as if i could lose it it at my desk…whatever that is….. i get overwhelmed thinking about the possibilities of failure, my insecurities, the possibility of being mediocre. i feel so confined by these fears. i feel no growth, just depreciation. i look at my previous posts and feel the anticipation for something greater…. its been months and nothing has been achieved. i want so much to branch out. i do something i love. i still don’t know what i love. i just dont want to work anymore. someone give me life.