Trust your struggle

Photo on 1-31-18 at 3.25 PMI know I’ve been openly weeping of my woes for the past few months on here. It’s been hard going into interviews back and forth, taking time off from work, getting rejection emails on a weekly basis. My ego was withered a few years ago, but the last few months have completely diminished any lasting remnants I had lingering.

Working in design is so taxing on the ego. It’s competitive as fuck, constantly evolving, and networking is a must. I literally died these last few months. I would wake up with so much anxiety from my current job. Especially back in September when everyone on my team got laid off except me and the other designer. It was so hard. They were literally the only things keeping me at my job. It felt like I lost a good friend. I didn’t wanna go into work anymore. They got rid of my marketing manager who was like my work mom. I felt completely exposed, helpless, stuck. Then the work was starting to become more mundane. I was being treated like a tool rather than a designer. I wasn’t allowed to work on the projects I wanted to work on.┬áThe last thing I wanted to do was interview, but I knew I had to get myself out of this situation. I would apply and apply and apply. Cover letter after cover letter. I even upgraded my LinkedIn account to Premium and paid an extra $30 a month so that recruiters could find my profile. There were times I was matched up with a job I was completely not fit for. There were times I would interview for a position and everyone knew I was too green. I would be sitting in that interview sweating my ass off, waiting for it to end.

It’s been a long four months. I’ve learned so much. Every shitty interview was worth it. Every intimidating techie with trick questions provided a learning curve. Opportunities are finally slowly opening up to me and interviews aren’t as scary any more. I’ve got a clearer view of what I want in a job and it feels great. Trust your struggle. The pain you feel is only your body telling you that you’re alive. Live through it, appreciate it. Learn from it. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve doubted myself and realized how pointless it was. I’m learning to trust my instincts more. To ask less questions and make more demands confidently, strategically. And I know this won’t be the last time I go through this, which is probably why I’m writing it down right now haha. It’s a process, let it ride but take control in the best way you can.